Save Yourself, Screw the Livestock

At this point, you're sick of vegans. You, along with the rest of the normal world, have long ago written them off for their annoying persistance. If veganism were a book, it would have countless plot holes in it, and why should you read a book like that? It's so much easier to turn a blind eye on the way animals are treated than to change your whole lifestyle, anyway. Why read up on the disturbing reasons why cows who should be able to live for 25 years dies 20 years early (The Guardian)? It's not like it's a secret that farmers care more about money than their livestock. And even if you let that fact affect you, what could you even do about it? One person swearing off meat that millions of others consume seems more harmful than helpful, even if it is filled with hormones (but again, you should just not think about that). Commercialization has consequences, but at least you're not the one feeling them. Yet.

And who are these vegans, anyway? It seems to you that most of them are just fitness freaks, or people whose lives are, in general, easier than yours. The only positive picture (and by positive, you mean funny, of course) that comes to mind is that photo of the PETA protest on Thanksgiving, with a person curled up next to two giant fake turkeys, and a large section of text that says, "We are all the same." There are so many things wrong with that statement, where can you even begin? Maybe you could start off by arguing that, in fact, animals don't wake up at 7 am every day in order to get ready for their corporate jobs. And anyway, we only consume animals that are healthy for us; it's not like we're still out there hunting elephants and tigers just for fun. At least most of us aren't. But the point is, vegans are absolutely exhausting. You have better things to do with your time.